When I Grow Up

Recently, I had the following conversation with the kids:

Kaleb: “Dad, when I grow up I’m going to come and see you once a week.”

Me: “That’s nice, son. Twice a week would be even better!”

Kaleb: “OK, twice a week. I’m going to come and see you twice a week!”

Me: “I’m glad because I will want to see you as often as possible. How about you, Kenzie?”

Kenzie: “I’m going to live in Utah!”

Me: “Utah!” That’s a long way from here! How are you going to be able to see me every week living in Utah? Why would you go live in Utah?”

Kenzie: “Because I’m going to be a YouTube gamer and that’s where they live!”

Me: “A YouTube gamer! As a career? I didn’t even know that was a job! Sounds more like playing than working.  Whatever happened to wanting to be a fireman or teacher or doctor when you grow up?”

Me: (muttering to myself more than talking to them): “I don’t know how you can make a living on YouTube. I suppose you get a lot of followers and then sell advertising and overpriced t-shirts and hoodies  with ‘GamerKid’ or ‘SuperDude’ or whatever virtual identity you confer upon yourself.”

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Goodbye Santa

Recently, Tami asked Kenzie to start thinking about what she wants Santa Claus to bring her for Christmas. Kenzie thought about it for awhile and then told Tami: “I know you buy the presents.”

That’s right.  Kenzie has learned the truth about Santa Claus. She’s reached that milestone in her life where she found out that there is no Santa Claus!

I suspect it won’t be long until she stops believing in the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny as well.

What bothers me about her discovery is that she learned about Santa from her little friends at school. I didn’t even get to have “the talk” with her.

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The Dad Pal

Lately I’ve been a little concerned that that the kids aren’t taking me seriously as their parent.

They seem to perceive me as one of their friends, a big playmate. It’s like I’m their Dad Pal.

If I issue a paternal command, instead of responding with   “Yes Father” or “OK Dad”, they reply with a high-five or a fist bump followed by a “Let’s go play!”

I feel like the Rodney Dangerfield of fathers, “I don’t get no respect!”

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The Blame Game – Redux

Nearly two years ago I published a post describing how the kids each want to blame their bad behavior on their sibling.

At the time I said the kids were going through this blame game phase. I guess I’m finding out that:

IT’S NOT A PHASE!

Apparently, blaming one’s own misconduct on one’s sibling is not some stage of child development they are passing through. It’s a daily routine; no, it’s a way of life!

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You’re Fired!

I  may have to fire one of my long-time employees.  Excessive absence. Non-performance. Neglect of duty.

Unfortunately, this employee has many years of loyal and dedicated service with me. But, the poor guy just quit doing his job!

It’s not so much that my employee is incompetent. He has a strong background in his field and many years of experience for the position he now holds in my organization.

He is, in fact, well-qualified for the job.

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The Christmas Gift Repairman

‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through our home,
All the presents were broken even the new drone!
The stockings were filled with new Christmas toys,
That now lay damaged by careless girls and boys.

The children were whining and with nothing to do,
Argued how toys got busted and by who.
I knew there’s no way I could ever fix them all,
And still have time to watch my college football!

When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I jumped from my chair to see what was the matter!
As I ran out on the porch to witness the flap,
I saw an old van driven by an odd-looking chap!

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Life After Death

I worry about dying.

Not because I’m worried that I have some undetected disease or some undetermined medical condition. I’m not worried about having a heart attack or a car accident.

I worry about the kids. What would become of them if I’m not around?

I suppose younger parents don’t worry about such things.

When I was younger, life seemed so long. Now, life seems so short.

And, it seems that I’m growing old faster than the kids are growing up!

So, I worry about what their life will be like if die.

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Crime and Punishment

One of the biggest behavior problems we have with the kids is sibling rivalry. And, it sometimes develops into sibling warfare. Kenzie antagonizes Kaleb and he thinks it’s his duty to discipline her by yelling, hitting, pushing and/or tattling on her.

She reciprocates in-kind!

We have tried many forms of punishment to deal with the kids arguing and fighting with one another. You know the usual methods–timeout, standing in corner, banishment to room, taking away privileges, taking away possessions, and occasionally spanking.

None of these methodologies seems to have much impact or lasting effect.

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It’s A Long Way To The Top If You Want To Rock ‘N’ Roll

I’ve decided to retire from my current job next year. But, that doesn’t mean I’ve decided to quit working.

It just means I’m going to stop doing what I’ve done for much of my career and do something else. It means I’ve reached certain goals in my current profession and it’s time to try a new profession.

Besides, I’ve got health insurance premiums to pay for two young kids and college tuition somewhere down the line, so I won’t be taking up golf or fly fishing anytime soon!

I suppose I’m at one of those junctures in your life and your career when you stop and take stock of what you’ve accomplished and learned along the way to determine what might be your legacy.

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