On this blog I talk a lot about my bad parenting strategies and experiences, those things I’ve tried with the toddlers that seemed like a good idea at the time but didn’t work out like expected.

The results of my bad parenting techniques become embarrassingly obvious when we’re around parents that are the age parents should be when they have young children like I do and you compare my kids behavior to theirs. And it becomes even more embarrassing when it’s your own family!

My grown kids have always maintained that grandparents are not good parents. Whether or not that’s true (read this blog and find out), I maintain that I’m one of the best grandparents around. As a grandparent my job is to tell my grandchildren “Yes” and it’s their parents’ job to tell them “No.” And, I’m extremely good at my job!

It seems that almost everywhere I go with the toddlers people are offering to help me. I have to wonder, though, are the offers because I appear to be an unlikely, incompetent, or incapable parent?

And it’s not that I don’t appreciate the offers of help. I do!

It just makes me wonder who it is that people are feeling sorry for, me or the toddlers!

Here’s an example. The other evening we were at McDonald’s and the toddler’s were playing in the play area. This is a fairly regular routine, something we do most Friday nights.

While the toddlers were playing and at the prodding of some other kids, mine attempted to crawl up on the top part of the tubular slide. I told them to come down and warned them not to do it again.

Later, Kenzie again attempted to crawl on top of the tubular slide in the same way as I had earlier warned her not to do. As she was crawling up (and before I could tell her to get down), she slipped and bumped her mouth in some way that caused it to bleed.

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Art Linkletter’s House Party was a daytime television variety show that aired from 1952 to 1969. The show featured everything from household hints to hunts for missing heirs. A humorous monologue by Linkletter would be followed by an audience participation quiz to win prizes.

The show also included performances by musical groups, informal celebrity interviews, and guest speakers from various walks of life.

The show’s best-remembered segment was “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” in which Linkletter interviewed schoolchildren between the ages of five and ten. During the segment’s 27-year run, Linkletter interviewed an estimated 23,000 children.

The show’s popularity led to two books by Linkletter based on the “Kids Say the Darndest Things” segment.

From time to time I try to write down humorous remarks made by the toddlers. However, some of the funniest things don’t get written down and I forget them or can’t remember exactly the way they said it because they come so unexpectedly.

Because the toddlers are trying to figure out how the world works, their funny remarks are usually in the form of an observation or explanation of the world as they see it from their toddler perspective.

If you didn’t see the movie or if you have forgotten what it is about, the movie starred Mel Gibson playing the role of an alpha male-male chauvinist.

By an accident of nature he is given the ability to read women’s minds. Because of his female mind-reading skills, Gibson’s character grows from being a contemptible, insensitive jerk to becoming like one of the girls.

His life-altering ability allows him to reach out to his daughter, stop taking women at his office for granted, and discover that monogamy and love are for real.

So here’s my story and as I tell it, I think you will see how it relates to this movie:

We have a problem with naptime on weekends around our house. I want one and the toddlers don’t!

Sunday afternoons are especially difficult because I haven’t had a chance to wear them down with outdoor play before naptime.

This last Sunday we got home from church, ate lunch, and then I started trying to get the toddlers settled down for a nap.

Kaleb had caused some problems in the nursery at church. And so the nursery workers had taken away his play keys that I had allowed him to put in his pocket and take into church. (The children aren’t supposed to bring toys into the nursery, especially something like keys, and I was stupid to think he would actually keep the keys in his pocket.)

Arriving at daycare in OKC Thunder outfits

Each weekday I drop off the toddlers at daycare on my way to work.

The normal procedure is that Kaleb and I first take Kenzie to her classroom, then I take Kaleb to his classroom.

Each drop off is usually accompanied by a certain amount of pleading for me to come back and give them another kiss or another “I love you” and from time to time grabbing on to one of my legs and begging me not to leave or not to leave them.

Admittedly, there is a certain amount of drama being played out in this routine. And, admittedly, I like it because I like them to need me, even if expressed somewhat disingenuously!

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