Literally Speaking

Me: “Son, you’re in BIG trouble!”
Kaleb: “How big?”

Me: “Sister, you better get your room cleaned up fast!”
Kenzie: “How fast?”

My kids are literal thinkers. They take everything you say at face value.

But I speak in metaphors, analogies, and most often in hyperbole!

Me: “You two are driving me crazy!”
Me: “Kaleb, you are like a bull in a china cabinet!”
Me: “Kenzie, you better start minding or you will stay in your room forever!”

And, they just don’t get it.

Me: “You two don’t go out in the back yard. It’s too muddy to play out there after the rain!”
Kaleb: “How muddy?”
Kenzie: “How long?”

Then, when I answer their question with my own question, “You tell me?” they answer…literally!

Me: “Come and eat. It’s time for breakfast.”
Kaleb: “What time is it?”
Me: “You tell me?
Kaleb: “7:15”

Oh no! Either I’m going to have to start speaking literally or they’re going to have to start understanding abstractly!

Kenzie: “Dad, I love you to the moon and back!”
Kaleb: “Dad, I love you to the sun and back!”
Me: “So, how much love is that?”
Kaleb: “A whole, whole lot!”
Kenzie: “Forever!”

Well, I guess some abstract concepts even literal thinkers understand…

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