Occasionally, I get advice from my friends on how to meet women. They mean well. They’re concerned about me and the kids. And, I’m certain it’s good advice. And I would probably do well to follow their advice.
But, usually I find that it’s just not practical. I mean, it’s not realistic for me and my situation. At least I don’t think so. But see what you think.
Here’s some examples of the advice I have received:
1. “When you go grocery shopping at Walmart, if you see an attractive woman, go over and ask her to help you find a particular grocery item, then strike up a conversation and ask her for a date.” This advice was given to me because I actually spend an inordinate amount of my free time at Walmart. So, I suppose, there’s some logic to the advice. But let’s take a reality check. Are there actually women who go to Walmart to meet guys? I mean, are women standing around in the frozen foods aisle or dairy or fruits and vegetables waiting for some guy to pick them up?
And, if there are women in Walmart wanting to be asked out, I would probably never meet them and ask them out because my main priority (and probably theirs) when at Walmart is to get out of there as fast as I can! And, it seems that if I am so charming that I could meet a woman in Walmart, strike up a conversation, and make a date, then why am I trying to pick up women at Walmart in the first place?
And, something else, just for the record… I already know where everything is at Walmart!
2. “I’ve got someone I’d like for you to meet and I know you will like her because she has a great sense of humor.” You’re not serious are you? I admit that I don’t have a lot of prospects…okay I don’t have any prospects. But please, don’t try to hook me up with someone that the best thing you can say about her is that she has a great sense of humor!
In our family, a great sense of humor should not be your most notable quality. It’s a prerequisite, a basic requirement! No jive, no thrive, no survive! She would definitely need more than a good sense of humor to last long around our house.
So, we’ve got plenty to laugh about. What we really need is someone with some organization and management skills to tell us what to do…or not to do!
3. “I’ve got someone I’d like for you to meet and I know you will like her because you have a lot in common with her.” If she has a lot in common with me, then I really don’t want to meet her! I might feel sorry for her. I might take pity on her. She has my sympathy, but if she has a lot in common with me, then she’s got too much baggage for me.
I’ve got enough complications for myself and another person, so I don’t want someone to add to the load! I need somebody who wants to help with all our baggage, handle all our complications, deal with our issues. I guess what I really need is somebody with no problems of their own. So, do you know anybody like that?
4. “Have you tried online dating?” This question is usually asked as if online dating is the last hope for the hopeless, the dating game for losers! And the question is often submitted by someone with just a hint of irritation or an air of frustration in their voice. Maybe they mean, “You don’t have much time left on this earth, so you better hurry up and get married again!” Or maybe they mean, “You better hurry up and get married because you need some help with those kids and you need help fast!”
Both impressions are probably accurate–time’s running out and the kids need to learn some manners. And, I actually think that online dating or online matchmaking is a great idea. It’s certainly a better way of finding somebody that’s a good fit for me than meeting women at Walmart! Still, I haven’t tried it and don’t think that I will. I’m afraid I would go online and find someone I already know and then they would know my dating fail and I would know theirs! It would be embarrassing!
5. “Well, are you dating anyone? Do you have a girlfriend, yet?” This question is really advice posing as a question. It’s the comment I hear the most. Sometimes, my friends know the answer before I respond. Some think I really do have a girlfriend and some know that I don’t but think that I should have one.
I always hesitate before answering, trying to think how I can answer in a way that won’t disappoint them. How am I going to explain that I not only don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t even have any prospects? And, when I hesitate, their hope seems to rise and then I can’t stand the look of disappointment in their eyes when I try to explain that I don’t really have time to date, that I’ve got more I can handle right now.
Maybe I’m just making excuses, maybe I’m concerned about complicating the children’s lives more than they already are or maybe I’m just using the kids as an excuse not to make the effort to date or get involved with someone. So, maybe I should start looking a little more closely at the women of Walmart!
But, I really think my problem is that I’m a hopeless romantic. Don’t laugh, it’s true! I’m just waiting for serendipity to happen. I believe I’ll eventually and providentially cross paths with just the right person…or not!