Comedienne Gilda Radner was one of the original cast members of the late night NBC comedy television show, Saturday Night Live. She created several recurring characters including one by the name of Roseanne Roseannadanna, who appeared in the “Weekend Update” news segments of the early seasons of Saturday Night Live.
Roseanne Roseannadanna would begin her news report and then digress into a lengthy anecdote with absolutely no relevance to the topic of her report. And, invariably, her digression would lead to a disgustingly graphic description about the personal hygiene of some celebrity.
Finally, the news anchor of “Weekend Update” would interrupt and ask what her comments had to do with her news report. Roseanne Roseannadanna would then answer with her trademark comeback, “Well, it just goes to show you, it’s always something–if it ain’t one thing, it’s another.”
In the last year of her life, Radner released a memoir of her experience with ovarian cancer, entitled It’s Always Something. Radner also recorded the book on audio, imitating Roseannadanna and other of her Saturday Night Live characters when describing those parts of her life.
Now, let me ask, have you ever had an “It’s Always Something” experience? I bet you have. Many times.
I ask because I would like to play a little game with you. I’ll tell you about one that recently occurred at our house…and then you counter it with one of your own.
Getting the toddlers ready and off to school in the mornings can be a challenge. No, it is a challenge!
Now that Kaleb is in Pre-K in a public school where they keep records of attendance and tardies, the stress level around here is quite high in the mornings as we try to leave the house to get him to school on time.
But, I’m pretty organized about it. I lay out the toddlers’ clothes and prepare their backpacks and put them in the car the night before.
The toddlers take a bath at night and are almost always in bed, though maybe not asleep, by 8:00 p.m.
And I usually have my clothes for the next day picked out and laid out as well.
So, in the mornings the toddlers just have to get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, get their hair fixed, and we are off to school according to schedule! Sounds fairly simple doesn’t it?
It is, that is, if something unplanned or unintended doesn’t happen. For example, it’s not unusual to stop everything because one of them has to go poop right as we are hurriedly leaving the house.
One day recently, everything was running smoothly and we were on target to leave the house on time. I got the toddlers up, they ate breakfast and got dressed, got on their coats. Everything was going according to schedule and no one had to poop!
But, just as I opened the back door and stepped into the garage, I practically stepped on the mutilated body of a small dead animal!
It was probably a varmint of some kind such as a mole or rat or even a small rabbit. I couldn’t tell exactly because it was headless, much of the skin was ripped off its body, and it’s insides were exposed and spilled out all over the floor mat.
I’m quite sure the horrible sight was deposited there as a gift from our cat (hence, the phrase, “look what the cat dragged in”).
Admittedly, she was doing her job, so I really couldn’t be mad at the cat!
But I didn’t want the toddlers to see it and I didn’t want to leave a dead animal body lying all day on the floor mat inside my garage beside the door into the house.
If the toddlers saw it, once the initial shock of seeing it wore off, they would be transfixed by the sight of the mutilated varmint body and would hover over it, maybe even wanting to touch it, and I wouldn’t be able to clean it up quickly just trying to keep them away from it.
So, I rushed the toddlers back into the house before they walked out the door and saw it and busied them doing something for a few minutes.
Then, I went back out to the garage and pulled the floor mat containing the varmint’s dead body out of the garage, disposed of the dead animal body, and washed the floor mat off and hung it up to dry.
So, by now, we’re getting a very late start.
And what should have been a calm and leisurely drive to school because we left on time became a hurried and stressful race in hopes of getting Kaleb there before they locked the doors to the school.
I muttered at every car that got in our way and slowed us down and Kenzie, who was sitting in her car seat behind me, tried to calm me down by saying, “It’s all right, Poppy, it’s all right!”
But, somehow, we managed to get Kaleb to school on time…barely.
So, it just goes to show you, it’s always something.
If it ain’t one thing, it’s another.
If it’s not one of the toddlers needing to poop just as we are leaving for school, then the cat has dragged a dead animal in front of the door with its guts spilled all over the place!