I have some questions about toddler behavior for which I have been unable to find an explanation!

And if can’t explain it, I don’t know how to respond. But maybe there’s no explanation for what toddlers think or do! (That’s scary!)

So help me out here. Any insights you have to the following questions would be appreciated:

Why do little girls react to everything with an ear-splitting scream? How can a little, bitty girl let out a blood-curdling scream that is so loud and shrill that it makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up?

Why do my toddlers have the loudest voices of everybody else, child or grown-up, in the room? Have they learned that from me?

Why do little boys have to run everywhere they go? At what age does it become physically possible for them to walk?

Is it possible for the toddlers to occupy the same room space and not fight with one another? And why, if there is a toy box full of toys, do they always want the one toy that their sibling already has in his or her possession?

How come the toddlers can remember and repeat every miscreant remark I make but they never repeat any of the clever things I say? Don’t I say clever things? I thought I did. I think I used to be clever.

And speaking of things you don’t want the toddlers to say, on the way home from school the other day Kenzie asked me, “Can I say booty?” And my answer to that question is _______?

When I leave the toddlers with the nanny or a babysitter, why do they behave so well but act so ugly when I am with them? (Conner says they act better when I’m not around!) Is it some kind of toddler revenge for going off and leaving them?

Why do little boys constantly whine and little girls constantly tattle? Or wait, is it the other way around?

When the toddlers are so tired and grouchy they can barely stay awake and you put them to bed, how do they become so alert and energetic they can hardly go to sleep? And when they are finally asleep, why do they look so sweet and innocent?

Why do the toddlers respond to every instruction I give them with the question, “Why?” And is “BECAUSE I SAID SO!” an appropriate response when they ask why?

Finally, how come the toddlers do and say the most loving things immediately prior to impending discipline or punishment? And how can I spank them when they are so darn cute?

TOO CUTE TO SPANK!!

Please let me know if you have any answers to my questions. Serious suggestions, amusing stories, and witty remarks are all accepted!

But remember, “because they are so spoiled” is not the response I am looking for!