Kids Say the Darndest Things – Vol. 1

Art Linkletter’s House Party was a daytime television variety show that aired from 1952 to 1969. The show featured everything from household hints to hunts for missing heirs. A humorous monologue by Linkletter would be followed by an audience participation quiz to win prizes.

The show also included performances by musical groups, informal celebrity interviews, and guest speakers from various walks of life.

The show’s best-remembered segment was “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” in which Linkletter interviewed schoolchildren between the ages of five and ten. During the segment’s 27-year run, Linkletter interviewed an estimated 23,000 children.

The show’s popularity led to two books by Linkletter based on the “Kids Say the Darndest Things” segment.

From time to time I try to write down humorous remarks made by the toddlers. However, some of the funniest things don’t get written down and I forget them or can’t remember exactly the way they said it because they come so unexpectedly.


Because the toddlers are trying to figure out how the world works, their funny remarks are usually in the form of an observation or explanation of the world as they see it from their toddler perspective.

Unfortunately, some of the funniest things they say I’ve chosen not to include.

I wrote in one of my early posts that I would try not to reduce this blog to bathroom humor just to get a cheap laugh (though I am tempted at times) even though the toddlers’ occasional crudely humorous remarks are entirely innocent and genuine.

But here’s some of their G- and PG-rated observations of the world that you might enjoy:

On The Human Condition


Kenzie: “Do I have a hiney?”
Me: “Yes.”
Kenzie: “Does Kaleb have a hiney?”
Me: “Yes.”
Kenzie: “Do you have a hiney?”
Me: “Yes.”
Kenzie: “We all have hineys?”
Me: “Yes, we do. Some more than others.”

On Achieving Success
Kenzie: “I beat!”
Kaleb: “I beat, first!”

On Road Construction
Kenzie: “Somebody made a big mess!”

On Modesty
Kaleb came home from daycare one day and declared: “Nobody wants to see your business!”
Me, rather hesitantly: “Uh, yes Kaleb, that’s right….”
Kaleb: “No, nobody wants to see your business!”
Me: “OK.” And I never asked them at daycare what he meant as I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know.

On August in Oklahoma


As we were driving to school early one morning this conversation occurred:
Kaleb: “The sun is catching up with us?”
Me: “Yes, the sun is rising.”
Kaleb: “So it can burn us?”
Kenzie: “It’s a hot summer day!”

On Maintaining Nanny Job Satisfaction
Kaleb: “We don’t bite Conner because we love her?”
Kenzie: “Don’t you dare!”

And this one is my favorite….

On Church Leadership
I am trying to teach Kaleb to show respect to the Pastor of our church. Each Sunday on the way to Kaleb’s Sunday School class as we walk by the Pastor, I like Kaleb to greet him respectfully. One Sunday morning conversation went like this:
Kaleb: “Good morning, Dr. Fannin.”
Dr. Fannin: “Good morning, Kaleb.”
Kaleb: “Are you Doctor Fannin?”
Dr. Fannin: “Some people call me that.”
Me, as we walk away and out of hearing range of the Pastor: “Dr. Fannin is the Pastor of our church.”
Kaleb: “Pastor?”
Me: “Yes, he’s like the boss of our church.”
Kaleb: “He sweeps and cleans the church?”
Me: “Something like that.”

I know many of you remember funny things your kids have said. I would like to hear about them and share them with all the followers of this blog. Please submit your funniest remarks to me in one of the following ways:

  1. Write it in a comment on my Facebook page under the shared link for this post.
  2. Write it in a Facebook message to me by clicking on the Facebook Send icon at the bottom of this post.
  3. Write it in a comment by clicking on comment at the bottom of this post.
  4. Write it in an email to If you send an email message, you can also attach a picture of your child and I will include the photo if your story is published.

Be sure to personalize your story by including your child’s first name and approximate age when he or she made the funny remark (e.g., “When my son, Tony, was four, he said…”)

If I get several humorous stories, then I’ll publish the funniest ones in a post on Poppy’s New Adventure ( in the near future. Remember by submitting it to me, then you are giving me permission to publish it.

And start writing down those funny things that your kids say as I would like to make “Kids Say the Darndest Things” a regular feature on this blog and share more of the funny remarks made by the kids–both yours and mine!

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